Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. – Doug Larson

I have never grown out of the infantile belief that the universe was made for me to suck. – Aleister Crowley

All the mistakes I ever made were when I wanted to say “No” and said “Yes”. – Moss Hart

It is human nature to think wisely and to act in an absurd fashion. – Anatole France

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch. – James Beard

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. – Orson Wells

I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. – Rodney Dangerfield

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it. – Jackie Gleason

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen. – Woody Allen

He who does not mind his belly will hardly mind anything else. – Samuel Johnson

As found in Men’s Health July/August 2002