Calvin’s Quotes
That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness
isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
~~~~~~~~~~~
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning,
and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be
an intimidating and impenetrable fog!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Calvin: I’m a genius, but I’m a misunderstood genius.
Hobbes: What’s misunderstood about you?
Calvin: Nobody thinks I’m a genius.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Calvin: Can you make a living playing silly games?
His Dad: Actually, you can be among the most overpaid people on the
planet.
~~~~~~~~~~
If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don’t get asked to do it again.
~~~~~~~~~
The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real
application in life.
~~~~~~~~~
Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the
best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles!
~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere
in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
~~~~~~~~~
It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what’s cool.
~~~~~~~~~
The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.
~~~~~~~~
Calvin: Know what I pray for?
Hobbes: What?
Calvin: The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what
I can’t, and the incapacity to tell the difference.
~~~~~~~
I say, if your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to
seriously re-examine your life.
~~~~~~~
But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He’s one of the old gods! He
demands sacrifice!
~~~~~~~
It’s psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I’ll get a saw.
~~~~~~~
Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?
~~~~~~~
Hobbes: What would you call the creation of the universe?
Calvin: The Horrendous Space Kablooie!
~~~~~~~
If something is so complicated that you can’t explain it in 10 seconds,
then it’s probably not worth knowing anyway.
~~~~~~~
Who wouldn’t be interested in everything we do?!
~~~~~~~
I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart so long. If we’re in each
other’s dreams, we can play together all night.
~~~~~~~
As a math atheist, I should be excused from this.
~~~~~~
This one’s tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen
…
~~~~~~
You can present the material, but you can’t make me care.
~~~~~~~
YAAH! DEATH TO OATMEAL!
~~~~~~~
From now on, I’ll connect the dots my own way.
~~~~~~~
I’m learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life
… Procrastinating and rationalizing.
~~~~~~~
Reality continues to ruin my life.
~~~~~~~
Calvin: Sometimes when I’m talking, my words can’t keep up with my
thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak.
Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice.
~~~~~~~
I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.
~~~~~~~
Is it a right to remain ignorant?
~~~~~~~
I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less
distraction.
~~~~~~~
Miss Wormwood: What state do you live in?
Calvin: Denial.
Miss Wormwood: I don’t suppose I can argue with that…
~~~~~~~
What’s the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if
nobody ever asks to see ’em?
~~~~~~~
My life needs a rewind/erase button.
~~~~~~~
Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
~~~~~~~
You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don’t
help.
~~~~~~~
I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a
cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really
comprehend the magnitude of it.
~~~~~~
Susie: You’d get a good grade without doing any work.
Calvin: So?
Susie: It’s wrong to get rewards you haven’t earned.
Calvin: I’ve never heard of anyone who couldn’t l