Category: Quotes (Page 6 of 7)

“If you had to define stress, it would not be far off if you said it was the process of living. The process of living is the process of having stress imposed on you and reacting to it.” – Stanley J. Sarnoff

“I’m so used to pressure I’m afraid if it stopped I’d get the bends.” – Walter Headley

“Anxiety is the intrest paid on trouble before it’s due.” – William R. Inge

“Many of our cares are but a morbid way of looking at our privileges.” – Sir Walter Scott

“The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.” – Robert Frost

“When you don’t have nay money, the problem is food. When you have money, it’s sex. When you have both, it’s health. If everything is simply jake, then your’re frightened of death.” – J.P. Donleavy

“I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.” – Charles M. Schultz

“I don’t suffer from stress – I’m a carrier…” – Scott Adams

As from Men’s Health, July/August 2004

Quotes from The 100 Best Things Ever Said By Men, collected by Mark Bricklin, Men’s Health Magazine, December 2001
Page 1

“Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.” – Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec

“There are two things no man will admit cannot do well- drive and make love.” – Stirling Moss

“The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards.” – Alexander Jablokov

“There are no rules here. We’re just trying to accomplish something.” – Thomas Edison

“God gave man both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams, on Clinton/Lewinsky

“Death be not proud.” – John Donne

“Dyin’ is a pain in the ass.” – Frank Sinatra

“If there’s anything in the world I hate, it’s leeches- filthy little devils!” – Humphrey Bogart, as Charlie Alnutt in The African Queen

“I will be so brief I have already finished.” – Salbador Dali, in world’s shortest speech

“Knowledge speaks but wisdom listens.” – Jimi Hendrix

“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens.” – Michael Caine

“My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.” – Emo Phillips

“No sane man will dance.” – Cicero

“I always turn to the sports page first. They record people’s accomplishments. The front page has nothing but man’s failure.” – Chief Justice Earl Warren

“Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.” – Robert Frost

“Assassins!” – Arturo Toscanini to his orchestra

“If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.” – Jay Leno

“This the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.” – T.S. Eliot

“We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.” – Winston Churchill, 1940

“Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.” – Mao Tse Tung

“The ballot is stronger that the bullet.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Once integrity is lost, the rest is a piece of cake.” – Larry Hagman, as J.R. Ewing

“It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.” – Mark Twain

“Love your enemies.” – Jesus

“Love conquers all.” – Virgil

“I’ve had 18 straight whiskeys. I think that’s the record.” – poet Dylan Thomas, just before his death in 1953

“We were bastards. You have to be a bastard to make it, and that’s a fact. And The Beatles were the biggest bastards on earth.” – John Lennon, on the early days

“What God hath joined together no man ever shall put asunder. God will take care of that.” – George Bernard Shaw

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” – Albert Einstein

“We will go through the Hun like crap through a goose.” – George C. Scott, as Gen. George Patton in Patton

“Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.” – Voltaire

“If you aren’t fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.” – Vince Lombardi

“I heard and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.” – Confucius

“Yippie-ky-yay, mother fu**er!” – Bruce Willis, as Detective John McClane in Die Hard

“I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.” – Walt Whitman

“Nyuck, nyuck!” – Curly Howard

“Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth.” – Pablo Picasso

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” – Billy Crystal, as Mitch Robbins in City Slickers

Love and do what you will.” – St. Augustine

“The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.” – Billy Graham

“Sometime they’ll give a war and nobody will come.” – Carl Sandburg

“Happiness is having large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.” – Aldous Huxley

“Your ignorance cramps my conversation.” – Anthony Hope

“Of course, [God] will forgive me. It’s his business.” – Heinrich Heine, on his deathbed

“We’re going to bomb them back into the Stone Age.” – Gen. Curtis Lemay, on North Vienam

“You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” – C.S. Lewis

“Oh, Goddam it, we forgot the silent prayer!” – Dwight D. Eisenhower

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face- forever.” – George Orwell

“Love is a sever mental disorder.” – Plato

“Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.” – Groucho Marx

“The time is always right to do right.” – Nelson Mandela

“Is that your final answer?” – Regis Philbin

“Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.” – Homer Simpson

“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, that’s bad for you.” – Tommy Smothers

“In the fight between you and the world, back the world.” – Frank Kafka

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

“If you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and success of liberty.” – John F. Kennedy

“There are not enough Indians in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry.” – Gen. George Armstrong Custer

“I ain’t got no quarrel with them Viet Cong.” – Muhammad Ali

“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.” – Jimmy Durante

“Everything flows and nothing stays.” – Heraclitus

“I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers.” – Marilyn Manson

“We are here on earth to fart around. Don’t let anyone tell you any different!” – Kirt Vonnegut

“The gods too are fond of a joke.” – Aristotle

“It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.” – Leo Tolstoy

“I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.” – Socrates

” I never cared about acceptance as much as I cared about respect.” – Jackie Robinson

“The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyrs.” – Muhammad

“I couldn’t wait for success, so I went ahead without it.” – Jonathan Winters

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” – Albert Einstein

“At 18 our convictions are hills from which we look; at 45 they are caves in which we hide.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” – Samuel Johnson

“If I have seen further than others, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” – Isaac Newton

“If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders.” – Hal Abelson, MIT professor

“I write as a sow piddles.” – Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” – Henny Youngman

“Rules are made for people who aren’t willing to make up their own.” – Chuck Yeager

“It is well that war is so terrible. We should grow too fond of it.” – Robert E. Lee

“If you are going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

“Hear me my chiefs. I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I will fight no more forever.” – Chief Joseph

“If you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.” – Woody Allen

“We’re lost but we’re making good time.” – Yogi Berra

“When the president does it, that means that it is not illegal.” – Richard Nixon

“It depends upon what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is.” – Bill Clinton

“Never play cards with a man called Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom’s. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.” – Nelson Algren

“I could eat alphabet soup and sh*t better lyrics.” – Johnny Mercer, on a British musical

“If I find 10000 ways something won’t work, I haven’t failed.” – Thomas Edison

“Greed works!” – Michael Douglas, as Gordon Gecko in Wall Street

“When turkeys mate they think of swans.” – Johnny Carson

“Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.” – Howell Forgy, at Pearl Harbor

“Every woman should marry- and no man.” – Benjamin Disraeli

“There is a theory that states that if anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.” – Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote out attention to eating.” – Luciano Pavarotti

“Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music.” – Frank Zappa

“The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.” – Thomas Jefferson

“Let’s roll.” – Todd Beamer, a passenger on doomed Flight 93, as he and others moved to overcome the hijackers

As found in Men’s Health, December 2001. Compiled by Mark Bricklin

A genius is one who shoots at something no one else can see, and hits it. – Proverb

All good things which exist are the fruits of originality. – John Stuart Mill

I have learned to use the word “impossible” with the greatest caution. – Wernher von Braun

We become what we are by the refusal of that which others have made of us. – Jean-Paul Sartre

If I try to be like him, who will be like me? – Proverb

As found in Men’s Health, 2001

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed. – Anthony Powell

When I grow up, I want to be a little boy. – Joseph Heller

The man who views the world at 50 teh same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life. – Muhammad Ali

Don’t complain about growing old – many people don’t have that privilege. – Elbert Hubbard

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at 20 or 80. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young. – Henry Ford

As found in Men’s Health, June 2004

It is not the return on my investment that I am concerned about; it is the return of my investment. — Will Rogers

The greatest waste of money is to keep it. — Jackie Gleason

Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex. You thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it and thought of other things if you did. — James Baldwin, American novelist and essayist

Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it. – Salvador Dali

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work. – Richard Bach

I can’t work out in front of women. I don’t want them to see me when I’m on my way to my goal – which is them. – Craig Shoemaker

If you’re afraid fo losing, then you daren’t win. – Bjorn Borg

One day of practice is like one day of clean living. It doesn’t do you any good. – Abe Lemmons

Any workout which does not involve a certain minimum of danger or responsibility does not improve the body – it just wears it out. – Norman Mailer

You don’t run 26 miles at 5 minutes a mile on good looks and a secret recipe. – Frank Shorter

If you train hard, you’ll not only be hard, you’ll be hard to beat. – Herschel Walker

Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us. – Peter de Vries

Why do I have to start my diet on pork chops night? – Homer Simpson

As found in Men’s Health, May 2004

“Money couldn’t buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.” – Spike Milligan

“I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see, pal, that’s who I am, and you’re nothing.” – Alec Baldwin, Glengarry Glen Ross

“If you can actually count your money, then you are not really a rich man.” – J. Paul Getty

“If we command our wealth, we shall be rich and free. If our wealth commands us, we are poor indeed.” – Edmund Burke

“You can’t be too greedy.” – Donald Trump

“Money is like an arm or a leg. Use it or lose it.” – Henry Ford

“I’ve always loathed rich people, so I’ve become who I’ve loathed, which makes it doubly difficult, if you can follow me.” – Larry David

“Money doesn’t talk; it swears.” – Bob Dylan, “It’s Alright, Ma (I’m only bleeding)

“I like money. It’s fund to fold and stack and smell and look at. It’s just plain fun to count money, and I often do it in a loud falsetto while wearing nothing but a captain’s hat and a coin changer.” – Dennis Miller

“Money is like a sixth sense without which you cannot make complete use of the other five.” – W. Somerset Maugham

“Always try to rub up against money, for if you rub up against money long enough, some of it may rub off on you.” – Damon Runyon

“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.” – Joan Rivers

“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.” – Aristotle Onassis

“We got no wealthy black people. We got rich people. Shaq is rich. The guy who signs his checks is wealthy.” – Chris Rock

“Money is no object…unless you intend to spend it.” – Pointy-Haired Boss, Dilbert

“It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.” – Oscar Wilde

“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. then when you get the power, then you get the women.” – Al Pacino, Scarface

“I will tell you the secret of getting rich on Wall Street. You try to be greedy when others are fearful, and you try to be very fearful when others are greedy.” – Warren Buffett

“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin

“It’s all about bucks, kid. The rest is conversation.” – Michael Douglas, Wall Street

As found in Men’s Health, June 2004

– At a London party, a socialist MP from Liverpool, on having her fill of an inebriated Winston Churchill:
Bessie Bradock: “Winston, you’re drunk!”
Winston Churchill: “You’re right, Bessie. And you’re ugly. But tomorrow morning, I’ll be sober.”

– Nancy Astor, an American socialite, fed up with an inebriated Churchill’s pompous behaviour, blurted: “Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put posion in your coffee.” Without the bat of an eyelash, Churchill replied: “Nancy, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

– In 1931, a reporter calls out to Gandhi:
Reporter: “What do you think of Western civilization?”
Gandhi: “I think it would be a good idea.”

– Muhammad Ali, on an Eastern Airlines flight in the ’70’s when asked to buckle his seatbelt by a flight attendant:
Muhammed Ali: “Superman don’t need no seatbelt.”
Flight Attendant: “Superman don’t need no airplane either.”

– The writer Truman Capote, signing an authograph for a drunken man’s wife in a Key West bar. The man, obviously preturbed by hi wife’s interest in another man, unzips his fly and presents himself to Capote:
Man: “Since you are signing autographs, why don’t you autograph this?”
Capote: “I don’t know if I can autograph it, but perhaps I can initial it.”

Absense is to love
what wind is to fire.
It extinguishes the small
And inflames the great.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. – Doug Larson

I have never grown out of the infantile belief that the universe was made for me to suck. – Aleister Crowley

All the mistakes I ever made were when I wanted to say “No” and said “Yes”. – Moss Hart

It is human nature to think wisely and to act in an absurd fashion. – Anatole France

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch. – James Beard

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. – Orson Wells

I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. – Rodney Dangerfield

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it. – Jackie Gleason

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen. – Woody Allen

He who does not mind his belly will hardly mind anything else. – Samuel Johnson

As found in Men’s Health July/August 2002