A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot

The doctor comes in.

“Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now, you probably don’t remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You’re going to be okay and you will walk again. However, something else happened. I’ll try to break this to you gently. The fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.”

The man groans.

The doctor goes on, “You do have $9,000.00 in insurance compensation coming and we do have the technology to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did – better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn’t come cheap. It’s $1,000 an inch.”

The man perks up at this.

So,” the doctor says, “It’s for you to decide how many inches you want. But it’s something you’d better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it’s important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.”

The man agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day. “So,” says the doctor, “have you spoken with your wife?”

“I have,” says the man.

“And what’s the decision?” asks the doctor.

“We’re getting granite counter tops.”