Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don’t?
Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed.

Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.

A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car.
She says, “Look, it’s shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?”
He says, “Put it between your legs.”
She says, “What about the smell?”
He says, “Hold its nose.”